Allie faints at the sight of blood, but would still really like to be an ER doctor. Maybe this comes from Michael Chrichton's number one hit TV show, ER. Maybe George Clooney's portrayal of a rogue ER paediatrician really got to Allie. Maybe the real reason that Allie cries when Goose dies in Top Gun is because she knows it's really Dr. Green. Allie has no plans to pursue an MD.
"GREEN EGGS AND HAM" (by Doctor Seuss) I AM SAM. I AM SAM. SAM I AM. THAT SAM-I-AM! THAT SAM-I-AM! I DO NOT LIKE THAT SAM-I-AM! DO WOULD YOU LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM? I DO NOT LIKE THEM,SAM-I-AM. I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM. WOULD YOU LIKE THEM HERE OR THERE? I WOULD NOT LIKE THEM HERE OR THERE. I WOULD NOT LIKE THEM ANYWHERE. I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM. I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM. WOULD YOU LIKE THEM IN A HOUSE? WOULD YOU LIKE THEN WITH A MOUSE? I DO NOT LIKE THEM IN A HOUSE. I DO NOT LIKE THEM WITH A MOUSE. I DO NOT LIKE THEM HERE OR THERE. I DO NOT LIKE THEM ANYWHERE. I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM. I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM. WOULD YOU EAT THEM IN A BOX? WOULD YOU EAT THEM WITH A FOX? NOT IN A BOX. NOT WITH A FOX. NOT IN A HOUSE. NOT WITH A MOUSE. I WOULD NOT EAT THEM HERE OR THERE. I WOULD NOT EAT THEM ANYWHERE. I WOULD NOT EAT GREEN EGGS AND HAM. I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM. WOULD YOU? COULD YOU? IN A CAR? EAT THEM! EAT THEM! HERE THEY ARE. I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT, IN A CAR... I love green eggs and ham.
Good evening. I have invited you to my chambers tonight for a very special purpose. Yes, more important than the 2000 election we rigged. We have been tasked with writing the bio of one "Nick Curry." However, we have no record that that is his real name. He has gone under many aliases, including Matt Dougwell, Shaun Brendanson, Doug Shaunson, Brendan Mattwell, and Orlando Bloom. Your mission is to track down this "Nick Curry" and extract every bit of information you can from him. I have provided you with the most advanced gadgetry MI6 has developed, including this pen that detonates a large explosive precisely ten seconds after the discreet phrase, "Golden apples shan't be the end of Charles Barkley!" is spoken. Good luck, agent. Let's hope we get this "Nick Curry" guy in one piece. Dismissed.
The wild Catherine is a feisty African leopard primarily found in the Saharan Desert. Her diet mainly consists of livestock, reptiles, and the occasional Twizzler. As a "Near Threatened" species, the Catherine is a frequent target of "trophy hunters" who admire her for her pelt, which she sometimes finds at Winners on sale. The Catherine is capable of running at 58 km/h, but she has a bus pass too, so she takes the 99 back when she's out late. She can vertically leap over three metres in the air, but needs a ladder to get the Christmas wrapping on that one top shelf in the garage with all the holiday stuff in it. The Catherine is very dangerous and hostile towards humans, except her friends, who she dresses up in neon with sometimes and does rave stuff. The Catherine belongs to the sub-genus ubcimprovera and is very excited to be a part of it.
I can't believe it's finally grad! Omg it feels like just yesterday we were in auditions. I wanna do a shout out to my best gf's AW, AE, LG, KL and my girl Brittany, you're my forever bbg.late nite starbux, running from the coppers, midnight margz lol. I feel like I've learnt so much. Hahahaha Mr Kolstees forth period math class 4FR. You guys! Daniel Radcliffe on a whale. brawy u my shooting star babe, lets do this 4 real. Thanks to mom and dad for like... Loving and supporting me! Thanx 4 the memorieeeez! I'm outtie! "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" - John Lennon
Eric Benedon was born and raised in sunny California (that's right ladies, CALIFORNIA). Eric is beyond thrilled to be a part of UBC Improv as a first year, if by beyond thrilled he means genuinely angry. When not doing improv, Eric enjoys bumping with the Wu-Tang Clan, grilling up Ahi Tuna, and pulling the occasional prank on Billy Ray Cyrus. Eric has never written a bio and doesn't plan to anytime soon.
Jeffrey Tittiger, the young man who Channing Tatum once called “Who are you? Why are you touching me?” Jeffrey likes to think of himself as Canadian but sadly is just an American charlatan. When he isn’t sewing costumes (2nd year BFA Design and Production), he’s making sure that everybody knows that UGGs ARE NOT SHOES! Jeffrey likes cat videos, the idea of taking walks on the beach, and making fun of Kiera Knightly. This is Jeffrey’s first improv experience and is super jazzed to be part of #Goodjuju
Aren't you always fumbling with your unreliable cutting board? Doesn't a regular cutting board give you painful splinters? Well then the Cassidy™ is perfect for you! Available at your nearest Kroger, the Cassidy™ is perfect for moms, bachelors, business occasions, wedding gifts, bachelor parties, Christmas, Bar Mitzvahs, prisons, the White House, hallucinations, and as a murder weapon. For the low price of your soul, the Cassidy™ will leave a smile on your sad, sad face. Some of the Cassidy's™ amazing features include acting as a cutting board, a solar-powered calculator, bomb defusal, cheating on the BAR exam, Blu-Ray, collapsing a South American regime, and acting as your attourney for your murder trial. But wait! There's more! Call now and we'll throw in not one, but literally every Cassidy™ manufactured all for the same price of your soul. Call now! That number is 666-666-6662.
James is an Enginimproviser (ɛnd-ʒən-ɪmp-rəv-ɑjzər), and you can be too. The first step is to recognize the absurdity of looking for meaning in an uncaring universe. He is a rural kid, born and raised in the Gulf Islands, and he is still really bad at "city things", like taking buses, and living indoors. At seventeen years old, he is most focused on facilitating the eventual completion of his two major life goals, becoming an astronaut, and growing a cool beard, like his Dad. While they may currently seem unattainable in reality, there is always improv...
Liz can't be tamed. She's her own Super Bowl Halftime Show. She's climbed Mount Bootylicious. She's got the moves like Jagger, Brown, and Beyonce. Ain't nobody better. Downing haters with attitude. Strutting down Main taking the party where she goes. Girlfriends, the party's where you make it. Make it you. When Liz is on stage, the first three rows better prepare for a splash zone of sass. Yeah? Yeah.
The murmur of your pulse; that is the sound of Fran's voice. The involuntary contraction of your muscles; that is the feeling of Fran's touch. The warm red glow you see when you close your eyes in the sunshine; that is the sight of Fran's face. The acrid iron flavour of blood on your tongue; that is the taste of Fran's lips. Your own musky scent after walking in the rain in thick woolen coat; that is the smell of Fran's skin. Fran. She is with you wherever you go. Fran. When you watch her improvise, you are watching yourself. Fran.
Directed by Jullian Kolstee
Jullian Kolstee has been improvising for 9 years. As well as UBC Improv, Jullian coaches Carson Graham Secondary in the Canadian Improv games, where he played from 2004 to 2009. He teaches improv in Lower Mainland schools & private classes through the Young Actors Project (www.youngactorsproject.ca), and to students across BC with VJ Delos-Reyes, as Seen2ways.
He has performed for Instant Theatre's Conservatory, Cagematch, Streetfight, Young and Spontaneous Festival, Next Act Festival, Seen2ways, Victoria TheatreSports, and Vancouver TheatreSports League's Rookie League.
Jullian has enjoyed his time with UBC Improv, and would like to thank his teams for all the Good Juju.